Addressing the Confidence Gap

Claire Shipman is a reporter for ABC News, and Katty Kay is the anchor of BBC World News America. They are two journalists at the top of their game, authors of The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance-- What Women Should Know.

I listened to Claire and Katty talking about their book on CBC radio's The Current yesterday morning. It was surprising to hear them say that despite their skills and accomplishments they still occasionally experience a profound lack of confidence.

What?! You mean I'm not the only one?

They went on to suggest that while confidence is partly influenced by genetics (you either have a warrior or a worrier genes) it is not a fixed psychological state. You can change your confidence level by worrying less about people-pleasing and perfection, and by taking more risks. Check out their website at The Confidence Code to take a quiz and to read some interesting tips on how to bolster your confidence.

The discussion touched a nerve in me as a writer. 

It is said that a successful writer needs talent, luck and persistence. I can say with - er - confidence - that I have decent amount of all three. 

But, missing from the list is a capacity for self-promotion. It is essential to be able to sell yourself as well as your product to your agent, your publisher and your editor - not to mention blog tours, cocktail parties, public speaking, interviews, etc, etc, etc. 

And that is where I fall short. 

I've never felt comfortable blowing my own horn. 

Why?

I was almost certainly born with the worrier vs. the warrior gene, and my guilt-infused catholic upbringing didn't help. Nor did my gender. Many studies have shown women are far less confident in general than men in just about every context. 

Is that because women have less testosterone coursing through their veins? Is it because they are afraid of being labelled a 'bitch' if they stride into a board room to voice their opinion? Are we all just a bunch of perfectionists - afraid of failure?  

Or, as Jessica Valenti commented on Twitter, "Maybe women's lack of confidence is not a personality flaw, but a predictable response to a culture that tells them they are not good enough."

Whatever the root cause, all I know is that for me, waxing eloquent on my own awesomeness is so far out of my comfort zone it makes me shudder to even think about it.

Still. I like a good challenge. I've taken quite a few risks in my life. I'm not afraid of failure. And now it seems I have another mountain to climb.

If I want to reach my full potential as a writer I must master the art of self-promotion.

Where to start?  Perhaps I should revisit those three requirements of being a successful writer and look at them from a different point of view. 

Instead of saying I have a decent amount of all three, maybe I should exult a little. Maybe I should try...

Celebrating my talent out loud.

Acknowledge that my 'luck' didn't fall in my lap by chance.

Remember just how tenacious and persistent I can be....

I'm can do this!



...Dammit.

  










 

A Scattering of Stardust

 I've finished my second book and the outcome for the series is now out of my hands. Time for a much needed vacation and a chance to regain some perspective on what matters and more importantly, what doesn't.

Don't get me wrong. I don't presume to have any special insight into this curious thing we call life. I write black and white thrillers for a reason. 

Nevertheless, on our way down to Boca Del Vista we spent an amazing day at the Kennedy Space Centre in Florida...and it caused me to take a step back and take a broader view.

We live on a tiny blue planet tucked on one arm of a spiral galaxy known as the Milky Way. At its centre a super massive black hole known as Sagittarius A. Our sun is only one star among as many as 400 billion others that are rotating around the galactic center at around 220 km/second.

And our galaxy is a very active place.

In the almost 14 billion years since the Big Bang, stars are still being born in magnificent stellar nurseries such as the Eagle Nebula - also known as the Pillars of Creation in the gorgeous picture taken by the Hubble Telescope.

Peer in closer into one of the stellar nurseries and you might see a cloud of black dust circling an infant star. Wait a few billion years and that dust will coalesce, and planets will form. There may be up to 100 million planets or more, and of those, as many as 8 billion might exist in the 'Goldilocks zone' where the conditions are just right for the formation of life as we know it.

In the midst of all this life, older stars are dying. Depending on their size, they may slowly contract into a super dense white dwarf or explode in a massive supernova.

But  our busy galaxy is not alone in the universe. The Milky Way is surrounded by several smaller galaxies and is part of a larger group of galaxies known as the Virgo Supercluster.

Recent estimates put the total number of galaxies in the known universe at around 500 billion, each containing hundreds of billions of stars.

Even more astounding, every atom in your body was at one time swirling about the galaxy, roaming free on interstellar winds. (And just to really blow your mind...there are more atoms in your body than there are stars in the known universe)

So, next time you're feeling overwhelmed by the trials and tribulations of everyday life go outside and look into the night sky.

You are made up of a scattering of stardust.

You are almost 14 billion years old.

At the same time you are as ephemeral as a flash of moonlight reflecting off a solitary wave on a vast ocean.

Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?